Helen had been having moments like this for what seemd like forever but in reality it had just been the past couple of weeks. She was waiting and waiting to hear from a friend – someone who is very dear to her.
Each week she would send a short text to show that she’s around. Finally she sent a longer newsy type of email. Not asking any questions, just being friendly and touching base as they say. Still no reply.
Part of her knew that when her friend was ready she would be in touch. And that’s fine. It had happened before, so she knew that it had to be on her friends terms and not just to please Helen.
But the other part of Helen, the part that kept creeping into her consciousness was doing it’s damnedest to plant negative thoughts. She’d hear ‘what if she just doesn’t want to be friends anymore’, what could I have done that was so bad that she can’t tell me’ and more along the same lines.
It was as if she sorted out one line of illogical reasoning out only for her mind to dredge up a few more! Honestly the longer it went on the more dramatic the thoughts. Helen reckoned her past life as a drama queen was paying dividends.
Now don’t misunderstand. 99% of her time is spent doing what she loves doing and she don’t give it a thought. It was when she stopped to unwind that the ‘nasties’ started to act.
Why didn’t she just ask what’s wrong? Past experience told her that she would get no response until her friend was ready. Cutting herself off from others is her way of doing her own thing and it’s what works best for her.
Helen thought and decided that she doesn’t really have a problem with that. No the problem is the illogical thoughts that have nothing to do with her friend’s actions (or non actions!) and more to do with the past.
A past that included a person with no self worth to speak of. Helen. So we talked about how a persons inner self sometimes like to test the water and ensure that they are not that person any more. To see if they are hiding under a veneer of pretence.
Like an onion with it’s many layers before you reach the centre, life has a way of continual testing to ensure that you’re ready for the next layer to be removed and released.
So in reality all those ‘nasties’ that pop in and out of the head could be blessings in disguise. The biggest problem they pose is that they don’t generall make anyone feel good when they’re thinking them. They bring on a low quality of mind. A place that’s not good for anyone to be in for any length of time.
Time to move towards a high quality of mind. It’s time to start reminding yourself of what has to happen to make you feel better. To remind yourself of the positive things that are all around. It’s time to release those ‘nasties’ and send them on their way with love.
Helen and I sat together and made a list of all that she had to look forward to from moment to moment. To look forward to the good experiences that lie ahead. To let her love of life shine out.
To release any negative thoughts with love and to send them back to past where they belong. To remember to always ask herself the question ‘who does this belong to’, As you know by now, even if those thoughts belonged to the Helen who didn’t believe in herself and had no self worth, they definitely don’t belong to the happy confident person Helen is now.
The act of self care starts with what you allow into your mind. Doesn’t matter what you let in just as long as you learn how to let go of and release anything that doesn’t serve you with love.