I do know wonderful, harmonious families, mine included, but the more I listen to my friends, the more I realise that it’s not a done deal.
Instead, it’s as if families are especially designed to bring out the worst in people.
Here’s a few examples of what I’ve heard lately:
‘My brother has decided not to include us in anything. He hasn’t said why, he just dropped us.’
‘Now that dad’s gone, I don’t have to have anything more to do with those other b******’s who call themselves family.’
‘Why do my parents do everything for my sister and ignore my family? It’s horrible being left out.’
Getting the picture. All true, and all painful, scenarios for the people concerned.
It seems that when it’s family it hurts twice as much. The betrayals, the silence’s, the barbed digs that hit a spot you didn’t even know existed until they hit it.
The most painful thing of all is the fact that most of them don’t know what kicked off in the first place. If they did, they’d like to do something to address it.
But, 9 times out of 10, the family member concerned won’t respond to friendly gestures.
I believe that a lot of the problems stem from old childhood fights, put downs or perceived injustices.
Over the years they’ve festered, with fresh, perceived wounds adding to their personal mix of hatred, jealousy and indifference.
Instead of seeing the world through the eyes of the adult they’ve grown into, they revert back to childhood. A lifetime of adding grist to the mill to prove their point.
I’ve learnt that I can be a listening ear to what’s occurring in their ‘happy family’, but not an active part of what’s going on.
I’ve offered to be a third-party, piggy in the middle if you like, to try to see what started it all. I’ve made comments like ‘never mind, you’re better off without them’, or similar. And while they’ve appreciated my support, they’d rather try to sort it themselves.
You see, when it’s family, it’s as if they’re separate from the rest of the world. As if, what goes on within the family, stays within the family.
So is there a solution to playing happy families for real?
Yes, I believe so. Nobody said it would be easy, but if you want to play with the grown-ups, you have to act like one.
You can’t make the offended family member act like one. This means the onus is on you to do everything within your power to mend the relationship.
I have to add that not all relationships, family or otherwise, are worth mending. Only you know whether that’s true for you, or not. I’m just saying, don’t waste your energy on those that don’t want it. It’s their choice at the end of the day.
Nevertheless, the one thing you can always do is to love them. No matter what, you can hold them in your heart with love at all times.
This doesn’t mean you have to approve of their actions. It does mean you’re grown up enough to let it go, love them and move on with your life.
When it hurts, and at times it will, ask yourself, ‘who does that belong to?’ It’s almost certainly something from your past, so even if it came from you, it would have been a younger version of who you are now.
Follow it up with ‘I choose to release it with love and consciousness attached, never to return to this reality through time, dimension and space’. Keep doing the exercise until you feel lighter.
It’s an exercise from Access Consciousness which works with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, sad or out of sorts. I use it all the time and it’s never let me down.
Look to the family members who treat you with the respect they’re capable of and enjoy playing happy families for real.
Who knows, those other wounded souls might just see how much fun it is and finally let go themselves. That would be pure magic wouldn’t it.